On the lighter side…

A few funny things that I received in a Newsletter that might interest some.

What is the truth about American Taxes?

When President Obama says that the rich don’t pay their share of taxes, he is lying, distorting, and demagoging.

Here are the facts according to the IRS:

• Those making more than $1 million pay 24% of income in  taxes
• Those making $200,000 to $300,000 pay 17.5%
• Those making $100,000 to $125,000 pay 9.9%
• Those making $50,000 to $60,000 pay 6.3%
• Those making $20,000 to $30,000 pay 2.5%

And what of millionaires who pay no taxes?

There are 1,470 of them.  They represent six-tenths of one percent of all those with million dollar incomes in the U.S.  If we assume that they make an average income of $2 million a year each, taxing them at the same rate as other millionaires (24.4%) would yield $367 million, which would increase Treasury income tax revenues by 30 one-hundredths of one percent or one-third of one-tenth of one percent!

Overall, the IRS reports that the revenues from the income tax are sharply skewed toward taxes on the rich:

• The top 1% pays 39%
• The top 5% pays 60%
• The top 10% pays 72%
• The bottom half pays 3%

Don’t buy into the great Liberal Lie, “I am going to solve all your problems, and not cost you anything, I am going to tax him!” 

ANDY ROONEY ON SEX!

1. When I was born, I was given a choice – a big pecker or a good memory….
I don’t remember what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: nature’s way of saying, “No hard feelings…”

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – ‘don’t’ and
‘stop’, unless they are used together.

6. Panties: not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages in a man’s life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try
Weakly. 


8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, it’s lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge – if you don’t have a good partner, you
better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Question: What’s an Australian kiss? Answer: The same thing as a French
kiss, only down under. 


14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the
Hole and she was happy with the Thing.

15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man’s life? Answer: Life
sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn’t.

16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Answer: Breasts
don’t have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, ‘Don’t take your troubles to bed’, many men still
sleep with their wives! 

After the eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical
examination, the doctor said,

“You are in fine shape for your age, Maxine, but tell me, do you
still have intercourse?”

“Just a minute, I’ll have to ask my husband,” she said.

She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud:

“Henry, do we still have intercourse?”

And there was a hush…


You could hear
a pin drop.

He answered impatiently, “If I told you once, Maxine, I told

you a hundred times… What we have is…

Blue Cross

 

The Italian Secret to a Long Marriage.

At St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Toronto , they have weekly husband’s marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe,

who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary,
to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same
woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands,

‘Wella, I’va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her,
but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!’

The priest responded, ‘Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to


all the husbands here!
Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?’

Giuseppe proudly replied,

” I gonna go pick her up.”

 

 

Tags:

3 Responses to “On the lighter side…”

  1. Chuck Says:

    Good stuff Patrick. Funny..but (almost) all true.

  2. Patrick Sperry Says:

    Have to try and have a few funny things sometimes Maine.

  3. PanAm Says:

    Facts are funny and hard to discount, Patrick, and the humorous points are worth forwarding for a good laugh… Thank you for both, and for keeping things not only serious but funny, too…

Comments are closed.


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 209 other followers

%d bloggers like this: