Some Red Neck Humor

Well .. I belong to several forums. All of them have their zealots, but all of them also have a well defined sense of humor… This is from Hunters Central, at Yahoo forums.

We are one big family, and no, there is no interbreeding in our collective pasts.

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM LIVING IN ARKANSAS
 
 
 
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
 
There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Arkansas .
 
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Arkansas plus a couple no one’s seen before.
 
If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
 
Onced and Twiced are words.
 
It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
 
People actually grow and eat okra.
 
‘Fixinto’ is one word.
 
There is no such thing as ‘lunch.’ There is only dinner and then there is supper.
 
Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
 
Backards and forwards means ‘I know everything about you.’
 
DJeet? is actually a phrase meaning ‘Did you eat?’
 
You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is. You work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.
 
You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH them.
 
You measure distance in minutes.
 
You’ve ever had to switch from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ in the same day.
 
‘Fix’ is a verb. Example: ‘I’m fixing to go to the store.’
 
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
 
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
 
You know what a ‘DAWG’ is.
 
You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car.
 
There are only own four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.
 
The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
 
The first day of deer season is a national holiday.
 
100 degrees Fahrenheit ‘a little warm.’ We have four seas ons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
 
Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as ‘goin’ Wal-martin’ or off to ‘Wally World.’
 
A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.
 
A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola or pop . . . it’s a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: ‘What kinda coke you want?’
 
Fried catfish is the other white meat.
 
We don’t need no stinking driver’s ed . . . if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
 
If you understand these jokes please forward them to your friends from Arkansas (and those who just wish they were).
 
EVERYONE can’t be a Arkansan; it takes talent. You might say it’s an art form or a gift from God!

 

God Bless Arkansas, and Texas, and… even California. At least that part called camp Pendleton!

AMERICAN BRED, American PRIDE, GOD Bless AMERICA! If God is busy, make sure that a Marine or Ranger is there to take care of GOD’S business.

 

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