Conservative Libertarian Outpost

Subject: New Element 

  Lawrence 
  Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to 
  science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 
  assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, 
  giving it an atomic mass of 312. 

  These 
  312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded 
  by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. 

  Since 
  Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, 
  because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny 
  amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less 
  than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. 

  Governmentium 
  has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead 
  undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and 
  deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually 
  increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become 
  neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some 
  scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a 
  critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical 
  morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium 
  (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, 
  since it has half as many peons but twice as many 
  morons.

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