The 1500’s; Got this from my better half’s father,
The next time you are
washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just
how you like it, think about how things used to
be. Here are some facts about
the1500s:
Most people got married
in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled
pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides
carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today
of carrying a bouquet when getting
married.
Baths consisted of a big
tub filled with hot water.The man of the house had the privilege of the
nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and
finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so
dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw
the baby out with the Bath
water.
Houses had thatched
roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only
place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals
(mice, bugs) lived in the roof When it rained it became slippery and
sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying.
It's raining cats and
dogs.
There was nothing to stop
things from falling into the house.This posed a real problem in the
bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed.
Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some
protection. That's how canopy beds came into
existence.
The floor was dirt. Only
the wealthy had something other than
dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt
poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter
when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their
footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you
opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was
placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a thresh
hold.
(Getting quite an
education, aren't
you?)
In
those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always
hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the
pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat
the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight
and then start over the next day. Sometimes st ew had food in it that had
been there for quite a
while.Hence the rhyme, Peas
porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days
old.
Sometimes they could
obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over,
they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a
man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with
guests and would all sit around and chew the
fat.
Those with money had
plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead
to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most
often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were
considered
poisonous.
Bread was divided
according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family
got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper
crust.
Lead cups were used to
drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers
out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them
for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen
table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and
drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding
a
wake.
England is
old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury
people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a
bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25
coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized
they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the
wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground
and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all
night (the graveyard shift..) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could
be, saved by the bell or was considered a ...dead
ringer.
Conservative Libertarian Outpost 
June 7, 2009 at 08:56
more:
Applying for the Sheriff Dept.
A man seeking to join a local Sheriff’s Department
is being interviewed.
The Deputy doing the interview says: “Your qualifications all
look good, but
there is an attitude suitability test that you must take
before you can be
accepted.”
Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says:
Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six
meth dealers,
six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit.”
“Why the rabbit?” asked the applicant.
“I like your attitude,” says the Deputy. “When can you start?”
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June 7, 2009 at 09:04
Today’s Chuckle!
I bet this is going to
make you smile….
A little girl asked
her mother: ‘How did the human race
appear?’
The
mother answered, ‘God made Adam and
Eve;
they had
children; and so was
all
mankind made.’ Two days later the girl asked her
father the same question. The father answered,
‘Many years ago there were monkeys from which
the human race
evolved.’ The confused girl returned to her
mother and said, ‘Mum, how is it
possible that you told me the
human race was created by God, and Dad said
they developed from monkeys?’The mother
answered, ‘Well, Dear, it is very
simple.
I told
you about my side of the family, and your father
told you about his.’
LikeLike
June 7, 2009 at 09:07
HOW
TO CALL THE POLICE
WHEN
YOU’RE OLD
AND
DON’T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
George
Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was
going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the
light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the
bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the
light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing
things.
He
phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?”
He
said “No,” but some people are breaking into my garden shed
and stealing from me.
Then
the police dispatcher said “All patrols are busy. You should
lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is
available.”
George
said, “Okay.”
He
hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then
he phoned the police again.
“Hello,
I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people
stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry
about them now because I just shot them.” and he hung up.
Within
five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two
Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the
Phillips’ residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One
of the Policemen said to George, “I thought you said that
you’d shot them!”
George
said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”
(True
Story) I LOVE IT!
Don’t
mess with old people
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June 7, 2009 at 09:10
Subject: Stimulus Plan
> > > Three contractors are bidding to fix a
broken fence at the White
> > > House. One is from Chicago ,
another is from Tennessee ,
> > > and the third is from Minnesota .
> > >
> > > All three go with a White House official
to examine
> > > the fence.
> > >
> > >
The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and
> > > does
some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
> > >
“Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for
> >
> materials, $400
> > > for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
> > >
> > > The Tennessee contractor also does some
measuring
> > > and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for
$700: $300 for
> > > materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit
for me.”
> > >
> > > The Chicago contractor doesn’t
measure or
> > > figure, but leans over to the White House official
and whispers,
> > > “$2,700.”
> > >
> > >
The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the
> >
> other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”
> >
>
> > > The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me,
> > > $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the
> > > fence.”
> > >
> > > “Done!” replies
the government official.
> > >
> > > And that, my
friends, is how the new stimulus plan will
> > > work.
LikeLike
June 7, 2009 at 09:12
How
many zeros
in
a
billion???
This is
too true to be
funny…
The
next time you hear a politician use
the
word
‘billion’ in a casual manner, think
about
whether
you want the ‘politicians’
spending
YOUR
tax money.
A
billion is a difficult number to
comprehend,
but
one advertising agency did a good job
of
putting
that figure into some perspective
in
one
of it’s releases.
A..
A billion
seconds ago it was 1959.
B.
A billion
minutes ago Jesus was alive.
C.
A billion
hours ago our ancestors were
living in
the Stone Age.
D.
A billion
days ago no-one walked on the earth on two
feet.
E.
A
billion dollars ago
was only
8
hours and 20 minutes,
at
the rate our government
is
spending it.
While
this thought is still fresh in our
brain…
let’s
take a look at New
Orleans ….
It’s
amazing what you can learn with some simple
division.
Louisiana
Senator,
Mary
Landrieu (D)
is
presently asking Congress for
250 BILLION
DOLLARS
to
rebuild New
Orleans ..
Interesting number…
what does
it mean?
A.
Well…
if you are one of the 484,674 residents of New
Orleans
(every
man, woman, and child)
you each get $516,528.
B.
Or… if
you have one of the 188,251 homes
in
New
Orleans ,
your home gets $1,329,787.
C..
Or… if
you are a family of four…
your
family gets $2,066,012.
Imagine,
now $700 billion bailing out banks in the US .
That’s enough to fund complete medical care for
every man, woman and child currently alive in
the US for 11
years!!
50
billion to bail out the auto
industry???
Washington , D.C.
&
Ottawa ON.
Are all
your calculators broken??
Accounts
Receivable Tax
Building
Permit Tax
CDL
License Tax
Cigarette
Tax
Corporate
Income Tax
Dog
License Tax
Federal
Income Tax , Federal
Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing
License Tax
Food
License Tax
Fuel
Permit Tax
Gasoline
Tax
Hunting
License Tax
Inheritance
Tax
Inventory
Tax
IRS
Interest Charges (tax on top of
tax)
IRS
Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor
Tax
Luxury
Tax
Marriage
License Tax
Medicare
Tax
Propert
y Tax
Real
Estate Tax
Service
charge taxes
Social
Security Tax
Road
Usage Tax (Truckers)
Sales
Taxes
Recreational
Vehicle Tax
School
Tax
State
Income Tax
State
Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone
Federal Excise Tax
Telephone
Federal Universal Service Fee
Tax upon Tax
Telephone
Federal, State and Local Surcharge
Tax
Telephone
Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone
Recurring and Non-recurring Charges
Tax
Telephone State and
Local Tax
Telephone
Usage Charge Tax
Utility
Tax
Vehicle
License Registration Tax
Vehicle
Sales Tax
Watercraft
Registration Tax
Well
Permit Tax
Workers
Compensation Tax
Income
Tax
Everything
Tax
STILL
THINK THIS IS FUNNY???
Not
one of these taxes existed 100 years
ago…
and
our nation was the most prosperous in the
world.
We
had absolutely no national
debt…
We
had the largest middle class in the
world..
and
Mom stayed home to raise the
kids.
What
happened?
Can you
spell ‘politicians!’
And
I still have to
press
‘1’
for
English.
I hope
this goes around the
US & CANADA
at least
1
billion times
What the
heck happened???
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