Time for a little old west style humor. Enjoy!
Subject: ** A Cowboys Guide To Living ** Music: "Don't Fence Me In" ***** A Cowboy's Guide to Life ***** *** Life's tough......It's even tougher if you're stupid. --- John Wayne *** Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none. *** The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller. *** If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'. *** If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't. *** The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning. *** Never ask a barber if you need a haircut. *** Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance. *** Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong. *** Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. *** A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor. *** Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled. *** Meanness don't jes' happen overnight. *** Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you. *** It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge. *** You cannot unsay a cruel word. *** Every path has a few puddles. *** When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty. *** The best sermons are lived, not preached. *** Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen, anyway. *** Don't judge folks by their relatives. *** Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. *** Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time. *** Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. *** Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got. *** If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. *** Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew; your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think. *** Generally, you ain't learnin' nothing when your mouth's a-jawin'. *** If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there with ya. *** Good judgement comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgement. *** Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back. *** The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back into your pocket. *** Don't squat with your spurs on. *** Always drink upstream from the herd. *** There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works. *** There's three kinds of men: the one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation and the rest of them have to tinkle on the electric fence for themselves. *** Never kick a cowchip on a hot day. *** Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco. *** When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson. *** When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else. *** After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. - A hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. Live simply .... Love generously .... Care deeply .... Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
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