Subject: New Element Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Posts Tagged ‘political humor’
Governmentium: New element found!
June 7, 2009Dear Abbey, from Mister Christer! :)
March 6, 2008Dear Abby,
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on
me from the
beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies
everything. What’s
worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so
humiliating.
Also,since he lost his job six years ago, he hasn’t
even looked for
a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars,
cruise around and
bullshit with his buddies while I have to work to pay
the bills.
Since our daughter went away to college he doesn’t
even pretend to
like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What
should I do?
Signed: Clueless
Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don’t
need him anymore!
You’re a Senator from New York running for
President of the United States.
Act like one.
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