The things that you get from an Engineer!
AS YOU READ THROUGH THIS VERSION OF THE FAMOUS CHRISTMAS TALE, I THINK
YOU'LL
COME TO THE SAME CONCLUSION I HAVE. IT MUST HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY THE
CONGRESSMEN
WHO WROTE THAT 2000 PAGE HEALTH CARE BILL. ROA
> Technical Night
Before Christmas
>
> 'Twas the Night Before Christmas' as written by
a technical
> writer for a firm that does Gov't
contracting...
>
> 'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period
preceding
> the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place
of
> residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the
>
possessors of this potential, including that species of
> domestic rodent
known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was
> meticulously suspended from the
forward edge of the wood
> burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our
anticipatory
> pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an
eccentric
> philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is
the
> honorific title of St. Nicholas.
>
> The prepubescent
siblings, comfortably ensconced in their
> respective accommodations of
repose, were experiencing
> subconscious visual hallucinations of
variegated fruit
> confections moving rhythmically through their
cerebrums. My
> conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal
head
> coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the
>
hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion
> of the
grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance
> that I felt
compelled to arise with alacrity from my place
> of repose for the purpose
of ascertaining the precise source
> thereof.
>
> Hastening to
the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers
> sealing this fenestration,
noting thereupon that the lunar
> brilliance without, reflected as it was
on the surface of a
> recent crystalline precipitation, might be said to
rival
> that of the solar meridian itself - thus permitting my
>
incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a miniature
> airborne
runnered conveyance drawn by eight diminutive
> specimens of the genus
Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule,
> aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble
that it became
> instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our
anticipated
> caller. With his ungulate motive power travelling at
what
> may possibly have been more vertiginous velocity than
>
patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled
> breath
musically through contracted labia, and addressed
> each of the octet by
his or her respective cognomen - "Now
> Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. -
guiding them to the
> uppermost exterior level of our abode, through
which
> structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations
of
> each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.
>
> As I
retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and
> was performing a
180-degree pivot, our distinguished
> visitant achieved - with utmost
celerity and via a downward
> leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He
was clad
> entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue
from
> oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on
>
the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I
> attributed
largely to the plethora of assorted playthings
> which he bore dorsally in
a commodious cloth receptacle.
>
> His orbs were scintillant with
reflected luminosity, while
> his submaxillary dermal indentations gave
every evidence of
> engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar
regions
> and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which
>
suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating
> the
coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of
> the Prunus
avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and
> supralabials resembled
nothing so much as a common loop
> knot, and their ambient hirsute facial
adornment appeared
> like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen
water.
>
> Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking
piece
> whose grey fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his
>
occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of
> holly. His
visage was wider than it was high, and when he
> waxed audibly mirthful,
his corpulent abdominal region
> undulated in the manner of impectinated
fruit syrup in a
> hemispherical container. He was, in short, neither more
nor
> less than an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical
>
perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite
> every effort
to refrain from so being. By rapidly lowering
> and then elevating one
eyelid and rotating his head slightly
> to one side, he indicated that
trepidation on my part was
> groundless.
>
> Without utterance
and with dispatch, he commenced filling
> the aforementioned appended
hosiery with various of the
> aforementioned articles of merchandise
extracted from his
> aforementioned previously dorsally transported
cloth
> receptacle. Upon completion of this task, he executed an
>
abrupt about- face, placed a single manual digit in lateral
>
juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium
> forward in a
gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected
> his egress by
renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage.
> He then propelled himself
in a short vector onto his
> conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of
air through his
> contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds
of
> burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto
>
observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a
> common weed. But
I overheard his parting exclamation,
> audible immediately prior to his
vehiculation beyond the
> limits of visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the
planetary
> constituency, and to that self same assemblage, my
sincerest
> wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly
>
pleasurable period between sunset and dawn."
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