Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

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Lunatics running the asylum

March 28, 2008

In Weston, Virginia, a long-vacant mental institution most recently known as Weston Hospital has been purchased by private interests and subsequently renamed The Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum. Needless to say, the name change has sparked crazed bickering. Nonetheless, the new owners have begun offering tours of the sprawling 370-acre 19th-century complex along with plans for mud-truck races, “Psycho Path” dirt-bike races, a reunion of former employees, a “Hospital of Horrors” tour in October, and a “Nightmare Before Christmas” tour in December. “It’s like turning back the clock to a time we don’t want to go back to,” complained the director of a mental-health advocacy group. But what about the mud racing? Somehow, we doubt they had as much fun back then.

Source: Patriot Post

Posted in Humor, News, Uncategorized | Comments Off on Lunatics running the asylum

Typical White People: Be very, very afraid « Making Waves Around The Reservoir#comment-219

March 21, 2008

Typical White People: Be very, very afraid « Making Waves Around The Reservoir#comment-219

This was a great post! I mean, if you can’t keep a sense of humor when confronted with Obaminations against our country.

Posted in Editorial, Opinion, Humor, Local Politics Colorado, Politics, Uncategorized, Wordpress Political Blogs | 2 Comments »

Still Second Class, the Irish deserve their day!

March 13, 2008

Here we are, it is 2008, and there is still no day celebrating the Irish in America!

Sign the petition, and raise a pint of plain in all it’s glory!

http://www.proposition317.com/gateway.html?RhCountry=US&RhYear=1986&RhMonth=9&RhDay=7

Posted in Editorial, Opinion, Humor, Law, Local Politics Colorado, Men's Issues, Politics, Uncategorized | Comments Off on Still Second Class, the Irish deserve their day!

Dog advertisements … :) and others

March 7, 2008

I got these from my girlfriends father. I can’t vouch that they are true, but, they are really funny if they are! 🙂

Real Classified Ads

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.

FREE PUPPIES..
Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog…able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat. Been out a while.
Better be a big reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES
California grown – 89 cents lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer, $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

And the best one:

FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, $1,000 or best offer.
No longer needed, Got married last month.
Husband knows everything.
 
document.getElementById(“MsgContainer”).innerHTML=’\x3cpre\x3e \x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3e——- Original Message ——-\x3cbr\x3eFrom \x26\x2358\x3b Richard Aggen\x26\x2391\x3bmailto\x26\x2358\x3brichardaggen\x26\x2364\x3bmsn.com\x26\x2393\x3b\x3cbr\x3eSent \x26\x2358\x3b 2\x26\x2347\x3b9\x26\x2347\x3b2008 3\x26\x2358\x3b57\x26\x2358\x3b38 PM\x3cbr\x3eTo \x26\x2358\x3b daveborges77\x26\x2364\x3bgmail.com\x26\x2359\x3b letcnow\x26\x2364\x3bfone.net\x26\x2359\x3b gingercolburn\x26\x2364\x3byahoo.com\x26\x2359\x3b jcenter\x26\x2364\x3bsbcglobal.net\x26\x2359\x3b \x3cbr\x3eKaggen\x26\x2364\x3baceweb.com\x26\x2359\x3b kurt\x26\x2364\x3bsteelmanproductions.com\x26\x2359\x3b lamont\x26\x2364\x3bhessinsurance.com\x26\x2359\x3b Mvbitz1\x26\x2364\x3baol.com\x26\x2359\x3b maxc\x26\x2364\x3bradiks.net\x26\x2359\x3b \x3cbr\x3evcpccraf\x26\x2364\x3bnetzero.com\x26\x2359\x3b raggen\x26\x2364\x3bgmail.com\x26\x2359\x3b robert.haus\x26\x2364\x3bgmail.com\x3cbr\x3eCc \x26\x2358\x3b \x3cbr\x3eSubject \x26\x2358\x3b FW\x26\x2358\x3b Fw\x26\x2358\x3b REAL CLASSIFIED ADS\x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3e—– Original Message —– \x3cbr\x3eFrom\x26\x2358\x3b Rose Mary Lewis \x3cbr\x3eTo\x26\x2358\x3b ciarab1901\x26\x2364\x3baol.com \x26\x2359\x3b mardand\x26\x2364\x3bjuno.com \x26\x2359\x3b richardaggen\x26\x2364\x3bmsn.com \x26\x2359\x3b Quakerjune\x26\x2364\x3baol.com \x26\x2359\x3b ltloom\x26\x2364\x3blouisacomm.net \x26\x2359\x3b \x3cbr\x3emdlamour\x26\x2364\x3byousq.net \x26\x2359\x3b mlblane\x26\x2364\x3byahoo.com \x26\x2359\x3b llewis5613\x26\x2364\x3baol.com \x26\x2359\x3b gtmullinix\x26\x2364\x3biowatelecom.net \x26\x2359\x3b djriggan\x26\x2364\x3bhotmail.com \x26\x2359\x3b \x3cbr\x3ehappygranny\x26\x2364\x3bcomcast.net \x26\x2359\x3b WestfallKJ\x26\x2364\x3baol.com \x26\x2359\x3b ewhitney12001\x26\x2364\x3byahoo.com \x26\x2359\x3b ccwillys\x26\x2364\x3bmsn.com \x26\x2359\x3b jcwint\x26\x2364\x3bwebtv.net \x3cbr\x3eSent\x26\x2358\x3b Friday, February 08, 2008 8\x26\x2358\x3b46 PM\x3cbr\x3eSubject\x26\x2358\x3b REAL CLASSIFIED ADS\x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3eReal Classified Ads \x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3eFREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.\x3cbr\x3e8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites\x26\x2333\x3b\x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3eFREE PUPPIES\x26\x2358\x3b \x3cbr\x3e1\x26\x2347\x3b2 Cocker Spaniel, 1\x26\x2347\x3b2 sneaky neighbor\x26\x2339\x3bs dog. \x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3eFREE PUPPIES..\x3cbr\x3eMother, AKC German Shepherd.\x3cbr\x3eFather, Super Dog…able to leap tall fences in a single bound.\x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3eFOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.\x3cbr\x3eLooks like a rat. Been out a while.\x3cbr\x3eBetter be a big reward.\x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3eCOWS, CALVES\x26\x2358\x3b NEVER BRED.\x3cbr\x3eAlso 1 gay bull for sale. \x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3eNORDIC TRACK\x3cbr\x3e\x26\x2336\x3b300 Hardly used, call Chubby.\x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3eGEORGIA PEACHES \x3cbr\x3eCalifornia grown – 89 cents lb.\x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3eJOINING NUDIST COLONY\x26\x2333\x3b\x3cbr\x3eMust sell washer and dryer, \x26\x2336\x3b300.\x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3eWEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. \x3cbr\x3eWorn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. \x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3eAnd the best one\x26\x2358\x3b\x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3eFOR SALE BY OWNER\x26\x2358\x3b \x3cbr\x3eComplete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.\x3cbr\x3eExcellent condition, \x26\x2336\x3b1,000 or best offer.\x3cbr\x3eNo longer needed, Got married last month.\x3cbr\x3eHusband knows everything.\x3cbr\x3e \x3cbr\x3e\x3c\x2fpre\x3e’;

Posted in Humor, Uncategorized | Comments Off on Dog advertisements … :) and others

Dear Abbey, from Mister Christer! :)

March 6, 2008

Dear  Abby,
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has  cheated on
me from the
beginning, and, when I confront him, he  denies
everything. What’s
worse, everyone knows that he cheats on  me. It is so
humiliating.

Also,since he lost his job six years ago,  he hasn’t
even looked  for
a new one. All he does all day is smoke  cigars,
cruise around and
bullshit with his buddies while I have to  work to pay
the bills.
Since our daughter went away to college he  doesn’t
even pretend to
like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What
should I do?

Signed: Clueless

Dear Clueless:

Grow  up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don’t
need him anymore!
You’re  a Senator from New York running for
President of the United   States.
Act like one.

Tags:, ,
Posted in Humor, News, Politics, Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

Hilarious Hillary Poem: First Three Chapters « Jabberwocky

February 17, 2008

Hilarious Hillary Poem: First Three Chapters « Jabberwocky
OUTSTANDING!

This is great stuff! Go there!

Posted in Education, Humor, Local Politics Colorado, Men's Issues, News, Politics, Uncategorized, Wordpress Political Blogs | Comments Off on Hilarious Hillary Poem: First Three Chapters « Jabberwocky

It’s getting ugly

January 31, 2008

This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan , Taliban
Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States that if military action against Iraq continues,
Taliban authorities will cut off America ‘s supply of convenience store managers.

If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab
drivers will be next, followed by Dell and AOL customer service reps., and then Motel 6 managers.

It’s getting ugly.

Posted in Economics, Humor, Immigration, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Good Morning General

January 13, 2008

b52.jpgTom retired in his early 50’s and started a second career. However, even though he loved his new job, he
just couldn’t seem to get to work
on time. Every day, he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.

But he was a good worker and really sharp, so his boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally,
one day, his boss called him into the office for a talk.

“Tom, I must tell you, I truly like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but being late for work nearly
every day is quite annoying to me as well as your fellow workers.”

Tom replied, “Yes, sir, I know. I’m sorry, but I am working on It.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” his boss said. “However, the fact that you consistently come to work late does
puzzle me, because I understand that you retired from the United States Air Force, and they have some pretty rigid
rules about tardiness. Isn’t that correct?”

“Yes. I did retire from the Air Force, and I’m mighty proud of it!” said Tom.

“Well, what did they say when you came in late?” asked his boss.

“They said, ‘Good morning, General’.” 

Posted in Economics, Humor, Military Science, Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

Achmed the Dead Terrorist – Jingle Bombs « Liberty Just in Case#comment-7516#comment-7516

January 10, 2008

aislamistrecruitingposter-new.jpgAchmed the Dead Terrorist – Jingle Bombs « Liberty Just in Case#comment-7516#comment-7516

Good evening infadel…

From sound bites on the Gunny Bob show to clubs across the face of the earth. One only wonders how long it will be until a fatwa is issued…

Posted in Editorial, Opinion, Humor, Local Politics Colorado, Politics, Uncategorized | 4 Comments »

Irish Christmas Cookies

December 22, 2007

knappogue-castle-whiskey.jpgSome things are timeless indeed. My forefathers brought certain things from the Emerald Isle that persist to this very day in fact! A Pint of plain, was, and still is the very same Guiness. Celtic gold work is still among the finest made. Celt whisky, be it Irish or Scot, is, and always be, ambrosia…

1c of dark brown sugar
1c (2 sticks) butter
1c of granulated sugar
4 large eggs
2c of dried fruit, such as dried cranberries or raisins
1tsp salt
1tsp fresh lemon juice
1c coarsely chopped walnuts or pecans
2c all-purpose flour
1 bottle Knappogue Castle 

Instructions:

Take a large bowl, sample the Knappogue Castle to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer… beat one cup of butter in a large bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point it’s best to make sure the  is still OK, try another cup, just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off floor…

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the etrrs, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the  Knappogue Castle to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something.

Check the Knappogue Castle.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a schpoon of sugar, or somefink… whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, FINISH the Knappogue Castle and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

Cheery Mishmas..

stolen in principle from; http://texasfred.net/archives/870#comment-5805

Tags:, ,
Posted in Blogroll, Education, Humor, News, Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

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