When I got back from Canada last month I had some
money I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency
exchange window at the local bank.
Just one guy in front of me, an Asian guy who was
trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little
irritated!
He asked the teller, ‘Why it change?? Yestoday, I get
two huna dolla fo yen. Today I get huna eighty?? Why
it change?’
The teller shrugged her shoulders and said,
‘Fluctuations’.
The Asian guy says, ‘Fluc you white people too!’
Caught
A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at
the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the
cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. ….For $100, the cabby agreed.
Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the
bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and
there, as suspected, was his wife in bed with another man.
The husband put a gun to the naked man’s head. The wife shouted, “Don’t do
it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money.
He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser.
He paid for your season Pittsburgh Steeler Tickets. He paid for our house at
the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays all the
monthly membership dues!”
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband slowly lowered the gun. He
looked over at the cab driver and said, “…..What would you do?”
The cabby said, “Heck….I’d cover him up with that blanket before he catches
a cold!!”
Blonde joke of the week…
Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate their
college graduation, get drunk, get goofy, and wake up in jail.
Because none of the three can remember what they did the night
before, and because there were several murders and nefarious
crimes commited, the Mexican authorities need some cases closed.
….So the three women are told that they are to be executed the
next morning! .
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is
asked if she has any last words. She says, “I just graduated from
Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to
intervene on the behalf of the innocent.”
Unimpressed by this statement, the Mexican executioners throw
the switch …..and nothing happens!! They all immediately fall to the
floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is then strapped in …and gives her
last words. “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I
believe in the power of Right and Justice to intervene on the part
of the innocent.”
Again they throw the switch and again, nothing happens!! They
all immediately fall to their knees, beg the brunette for forgiveness
and release her.
The last one (you knew this was coming), a blonde, is strapped in
and says, “….Well, I’m from the University of Kentucky …and I just
graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right
now, Dudes …..ya’ll ain’t gonna be electrocutin’ nobody if ya’ll don’t
be a-pluggin’ this here thing in!!
Smoking and Drinking
The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services
and taught Sunday School every week. On one Sunday,
an out of town distinguished looking gentleman, was in
the pew right behind her. He noted what a fine looking
woman she was, and while the ushers were taking up the
collection, the man leaned forward and said,
“Excuse me, young lady …..how about you and I having
dinner on Tuesday?”
“Why yes, that would be nice,” the lady responded.
Well!! The gentleman couldn’t believe his luck! So on
the next Tuesday he picked the beautiful young lady up
and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of South
Carolina.
When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her
and suggested, “Would you like a cocktail before dinner?”
“Oh Goodness Gracious, no!” said our circumspect fine
example of Southern womanhood, “What ever would I tell
my Sunday School class?”
Hmmm! Our gentleman was set back a bit, so he didn’t
say much, until after dinner when he pulled out a pack of
cigarettes and asked, “Would you like an after-dinner
cigarette?”
“Oh my goodness no!!” said the woman. “I couldn’t face
my Sunday School class if I did!!”
Well, our boy felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in
his car ….and as he was driving the lady home, they passed
the local Holiday Inn. He’d been morally rebuffed twice already,
so he figured he had nothing to lose …so he ventured forth
with, “Ahhh …..Mmmm …..how would you like to stop at this
motel?”
“Sure, that would be nice,” she said in anticipation.
Hoo-Boy!! The gentleman couldn’t believe his ears, and he
did a fast u-turn right then and there, and drove back to the
motel and checked in.
The next morning, after a wild night, the gentleman awoke
first. He looked over at the lovely Dixie darling lying there in
the bed …..and with remorse he thought, “What have I done?
He shook her awake and pleaded, “I’ve got to ask you one
thing …..whatever are you going to tell your Sunday School
class next week?”
The lady smiled contentedly and said, “The same thing I
always tell them.
….You don’t have to smoke and drink to have a good time!!”
Conservative Libertarian Outpost 