Posts Tagged ‘funny’

Oldies but goodies

June 30, 2008

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Here are some old jokes, but too good too forget about:

Girls Bathroom

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington
recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls
were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That
was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips
to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the
maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put
them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done!  She called
all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for
the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how
difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man
to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned
the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the
mirror.

There are teachers, and then, there are educators

Advanced in age, old Charlie’s hospital bed is surrounded by well-wishers,
but it doesn’t look good. Suddenly, he motions frantically to the pastor for
something to write on. The pastor lovingly hands him a pen and a piece of paper,
and Charlie, struggling to write, uses his last bit of energy to scribble a hasty note,
then flops back in bed and dies.
The pastor thinks it best not to look at the note right away being as everyone
is in mourning,, so he places it in his jacket pocket..
At Charlie’s funeral, as the pastor is finishing his eulogy, he realizes he’s wearing
the same jacket he was wearing when Charlie died at the hospital.
Thinking that this would be the perfect time to share Charlies last words of love
for his family and church, he announces…..
“Our dear brother, Charlie, handed me a note just before he died,” he says. “I
haven’t looked at it, but knowing Charlie, I’m sure there’s a word of inspiration in it
for us all.” ….and opening the note, he reads aloud,
“Move your foot, you idiot! You’re standing on my oxygen hose!”

Cowboy Boots

(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!)

Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was
helping one of her kindergarten students put
on his cowboy boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little
boots still didn’t want to go on. By the time they
got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said,
“Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.”
She looked, and sure enough, they were.

It wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off than
it was putting them on. She managed to keep
her cool as together they worked to get the
boots back on, this time on the right feet.

He then announced, “….These aren’t my boots.”

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face
and scream, “Why didn’t you say so?”, like she
wanted to.  Once again, she struggled to help him
pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.  No sooner
had they gotten the boots off when he said,

“They’re my brother’s boots. My Mom made me wear ’em.”

Now she didn’t know if she should laugh or cry.
But, she mustered up what grace and courage
she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked,
“….Now, where are your mittens?”

He said, “I stuffed ’em in the toes of my boots.”

She will be eligible for parole in three years.

Click this link, then click on play arrow, this is hilarious:

http://www.antiqueguns.com/News/TomMabe.wmv

Ahh, the Weather…

November 18, 2007

This particular bit of humor is dedicated to my good friend Neil Stalking Bear. He is a real Native American, and really can appreciate a good joke! 🙂

Circular reasoning———-just as in the corporate world. ROA

It was already late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in
South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to
be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society he had never
been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn’t
tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the
winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village
should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He
went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and
asked, “Is the coming winter going to be cold?”

“It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,” the
meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even
more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later he called the National Weather Service again. “Does it
still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?”

“Yes,” the man at National Weather Service again replied, “it’s going
to be a very cold winter.”

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect
every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later the chief called the National Weather Service again.
“Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?”
“Absolutely,” the man replied. “It’s looking more and more like it is
going to be one of the coldest winters we’ve ever seen.”

“How can you be so sure?” the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, “The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.”


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