A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small town in Texas. With his
dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ‘I’ve heard enough of your
stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person’s
hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
Its guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching
our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only
blondes, but women in general…and all in the name of humor!
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, ‘You stay out of this, mister! I’m
talking to that little ‘creep’ on your knee’.
Why men don’t write advice columns. Now we know.
Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my
husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a
few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car
shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help.
When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was parading in front of
the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he
was wearing my make up.
I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years.
When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie
because he couldn’t find his own underwear. But when I asked him about
the make up, he broke down and admitted that he’d been wearing my
clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.
He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been
feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but
ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.
I don’t feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Mrs. Norma Melia
Dear Norma:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no
debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding
the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches
solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty,
causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope
this helps.
Walter
Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?
Michael Jordan, having ‘retired’ with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.
If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see a movie, it’ll cost him $7.00, but he’ll make $18,550 while he’s there.
If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he’ll make $618 while boiling it.
He makes $7,415/hour more than minimum wage.
If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every
second.
He’ll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.
He’ll make a bout $19.60 while watching the 100-meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the race.
This year, he’ll make more than twice as much as all past presidents for all of their terms combined.
Amazing isn’t it?
However… Read this next bit !!!
If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 500 years, he’ll still have less than Bill Gates has at this very
moment.
Game over.
Nerd wins.
Catholic Golf
A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up
to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said “Shit, I missed.”
The good Sister told him to watch his language.
On his next swing, he missed again. “Shit, I missed.”
“Father, I’ m not going to play with you if you keep swearing,” The nun said tartly.
The priest promised to do better and the round continued. On The 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment
followed.
Sister is really mad now and says, “Father John, God is going to
strike you dead if you keep swearing like that.”
On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. “Shit, I missed.”
A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in
her tracks.
And from the sky comes a booming voice …….
“Shit, I missed.”
Source: A 50 year old female with an MBA 🙂
Conservative Libertarian Outpost 