The things that you get from an Engineer! AS YOU READ THROUGH THIS VERSION OF THE FAMOUS CHRISTMAS TALE, I THINK YOU'LL COME TO THE SAME CONCLUSION I HAVE. IT MUST HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY THE CONGRESSMEN WHO WROTE THAT 2000 PAGE HEALTH CARE BILL. ROA > Technical Night Before Christmas > > 'Twas the Night Before Christmas' as written by a technical > writer for a firm that does Gov't contracting... > > 'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding > the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of > residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the > possessors of this potential, including that species of > domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was > meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood > burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory > pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric > philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the > honorific title of St. Nicholas. > > The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their > respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing > subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit > confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My > conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head > coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the > hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion > of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance > that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place > of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source > thereof. > > Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers > sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar > brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface of a > recent crystalline precipitation, might be said to rival > that of the solar meridian itself - thus permitting my > incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a miniature > airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight diminutive > specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, > aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became > instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated > caller. With his ungulate motive power travelling at what > may possibly have been more vertiginous velocity than > patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled > breath musically through contracted labia, and addressed > each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen - "Now > Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the > uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which > structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations of > each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities. > > As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and > was performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished > visitant achieved - with utmost celerity and via a downward > leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He was clad > entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from > oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on > the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I > attributed largely to the plethora of assorted playthings > which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle. > > His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while > his submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of > engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions > and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which > suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating > the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of > the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and > supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop > knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared > like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water. > > Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece > whose grey fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his > occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of > holly. His visage was wider than it was high, and when he > waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region > undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a > hemispherical container. He was, in short, neither more nor > less than an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical > perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite > every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly lowering > and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly > to one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was > groundless. > > Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling > the aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the > aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted from his > aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth > receptacle. Upon completion of this task, he executed an > abrupt about- face, placed a single manual digit in lateral > juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium > forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected > his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. > He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his > conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his > contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of > burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto > observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a > common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, > audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the > limits of visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary > constituency, and to that self same assemblage, my sincerest > wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly > pleasurable period between sunset and dawn."
Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category
Technical Night Before Christmas
December 19, 2009OORAH AIRDALES!
November 12, 2009Aircraft in the Persian Gulf AOR are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute ‘heads up’ if they will be transiting Iranian airspace.
A pilot overheard this conversation on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai Read below….
The conversation..
Iranian Air Defense Radar: ‘Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.’
U.S. Aircraft: ‘This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.’
Iranian Air Defense Radar: ‘You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!’
U.S. Aircraft: ‘This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send ’em up. I’ll wait !’
Iranian Air Defense Radar: (no response)
Liberty? What for?
October 19, 2009“Conservative arguments against President Obama are becoming increasingly silly. They oppose Obama rescuing businesses despite all the jobs on the line, they’re against government taking control of health care from soulless insurance companies, and they oppose increased taxes on energy consumption despite the sorry state of the environment. And why do they oppose these most sensible actions? Because of their irrational, brain-dead obsession with liberty. Of course, everyone likes freedom — to a point — but there are a number of loud, stupid Americans who just take it to ridiculous extremes. They hoard their freedoms like greedy little dwarfs hoarding gold when they have little actual use for most of it. People need rules and order and guidance, but they hardly ever need liberty. Liberty doesn’t feed your family. Liberty doesn’t heal you when you’re sick. Liberty doesn’t educate your children. A strong government can do all those things, but apparently that’s against liberty. … Just look at this ludicrous debate over health care reform. Of course the government should provide health care for everyone; how obvious can anything be? The government has the money and smart people working for everyone’s interests to make sure all get health care, so why would anyone be against that? Because apparently people aren’t ‘free’ to make their health care choices for themselves. … Real freedom is not having to worry about health care, and that’s what you get when you have the government take it over. Yes, you’ll have little control over who gets what kind of care, but some people will just have to suffer some for the betterment of the whole. The advantage of having the government in control is that it makes sure the fewest number suffer, and those that do aren’t particularly important. … Most of the civilized world has moved beyond this uncompromising view of ‘freedom’ — if they were ever foolish enough to adopt it in the first place. Can you think of any other country that would permit its citizens to have guns like America does? Of course not; that’s beyond moronic. People know freedom is a dangerous, scary thing, and you have to be careful how much you tolerate.” –columnist Frank J. Fleming
(To submit reader comments click here.)
The preceding was satirical humor
How to deal with Bankers and Big Government Types
September 9, 2009This was just to good not to share. It addresses banks, but could easily be applied to Senators and such. In fact, I’m going to be sending it to all my representatives… Enjoy!
Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to
A bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it
Amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with
Which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have
Elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in
My account of the funds needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly
Deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit,
Has been in place for only eight years. You are to be
Commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and
Also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the
Inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs
From the manner in which this incident has caused me to
Rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally answer your
Telephone calls and letters, — when I try to contact you,
I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging,
Pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has
Become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with
A flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan
Repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be
Automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed
Personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank
Whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act
For any other person to open such an envelope. Please find
Attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen
Employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but
In order that I know as much about him or her as your bank
Knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that
All copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public,
And the Mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income,
Debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by
Documented proof. In due course, at MY convenience, I will
Issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must
quote in dealings with me
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits
But, again, I have modeled it on the number of button
Presses required of me to access my account balance on your
Phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest
Form of flattery
Let me level the playing field even further
When you call me, press buttons as
Follows:
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*)
BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there
#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password
To access my computer is required. Password will be
Communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized
Contact mentioned earlier
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to
Options 1 through 7
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The
Contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of
My automated answering service.
#10. This is a second reminder to press* for
English. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy
Wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the Call
Regrettably, but again following your example, I
Must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up
Of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so
Slightly less prosperous New Year
Your Humble Client
(Remember: This was written by an 86 year old
Woman) ‘YA JUST GOTTA LOVE ‘ US SENIORS’ !!!!!
And remember: Don’t make old ladies mad. They
Don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to set them off
More on healthcare…
August 11, 2009Jon Caldara (see sidebar) gets this healthcare debate going in the correct direction, as The Independence Institute always does. Enjoy!
A Cowboys Guide To Living
July 31, 2009Time for a little old west style humor. Enjoy!
Subject: ** A Cowboys Guide To Living ** Music: "Don't Fence Me In" ***** A Cowboy's Guide to Life ***** *** Life's tough......It's even tougher if you're stupid. --- John Wayne *** Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none. *** The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller. *** If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'. *** If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't. *** The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning. *** Never ask a barber if you need a haircut. *** Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance. *** Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong. *** Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. *** A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor. *** Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled. *** Meanness don't jes' happen overnight. *** Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you. *** It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge. *** You cannot unsay a cruel word. *** Every path has a few puddles. *** When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty. *** The best sermons are lived, not preached. *** Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen, anyway. *** Don't judge folks by their relatives. *** Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. *** Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time. *** Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. *** Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got. *** If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. *** Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew; your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think. *** Generally, you ain't learnin' nothing when your mouth's a-jawin'. *** If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there with ya. *** Good judgement comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgement. *** Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back. *** The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back into your pocket. *** Don't squat with your spurs on. *** Always drink upstream from the herd. *** There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works. *** There's three kinds of men: the one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation and the rest of them have to tinkle on the electric fence for themselves. *** Never kick a cowchip on a hot day. *** Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco. *** When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson. *** When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else. *** After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. - A hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. Live simply .... Love generously .... Care deeply .... Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
Governmentium: New element found!
June 7, 2009Subject: New Element Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Humorous History
June 7, 2009The 1500’s; Got this from my better half’s father,
The next time you are
washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just
how you like it, think about how things used to
be. Here are some facts about
the1500s:
Most people got married
in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled
pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides
carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today
of carrying a bouquet when getting
married.
Baths consisted of a big
tub filled with hot water.The man of the house had the privilege of the
nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and
finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so
dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw
the baby out with the Bath
water.
Houses had thatched
roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only
place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals
(mice, bugs) lived in the roof When it rained it became slippery and
sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying.
It's raining cats and
dogs.
There was nothing to stop
things from falling into the house.This posed a real problem in the
bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed.
Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some
protection. That's how canopy beds came into
existence.
The floor was dirt. Only
the wealthy had something other than
dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt
poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter
when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their
footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you
opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was
placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a thresh
hold.
(Getting quite an
education, aren't
you?)
In
those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always
hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the
pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat
the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight
and then start over the next day. Sometimes st ew had food in it that had
been there for quite a
while.Hence the rhyme, Peas
porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days
old.
Sometimes they could
obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over,
they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a
man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with
guests and would all sit around and chew the
fat.
Those with money had
plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead
to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most
often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were
considered
poisonous.
Bread was divided
according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family
got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper
crust.
Lead cups were used to
drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers
out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them
for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen
table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and
drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding
a
wake.
England is
old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury
people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a
bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25
coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized
they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the
wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground
and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all
night (the graveyard shift..) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could
be, saved by the bell or was considered a ...dead
ringer.
Misinformation…
May 7, 2009Misinformation, or deliberately misleading the public with an agenda driven policy? You decide.
Nothing to see here, move along: “The fact that Obama is essentially replacing — and I’m going to use these terms loosely — but a more liberal judge with what will eventually probably be a liberal judge doesn’t really change things a lot, but if John McCain were the president of the United States today, this court would be changing in extreme ways, wouldn’t it?” –CNN anchor Rick Sanchez
Misdiagnosis: “They’re very comfortable, the core of the Republican Party, with their message of skepticism about government. … Cut taxes, shrink government. … But it doesn’t sell with, with people outside of their base demographic which are white males. There’s something about that message that turns off families, that turns off women, that turns off people who think that caring matters about other — I know that this sounds silly, but caring about other people.” –Newsweek’s Howard Fineman ++ “Can they get past the cacophony of Rush Limbaugh, Dick Cheney, Newt Gingrich? These are sort of trollish figures. These aren’t the caring people, are they?” –MSNBC’s Chris Matthews in response
Stranger than fiction: “Barack Obama is a truly flabbergasting President. And in a good way — not the way some of his predecessors were. He’s not flabberghastly…. His verbiage is a melting pot that’s always bubbling.” –Washington Post TV critic Tom Shales
From the sycophants: “Let me just say, I thought that in terms of mastery of the issues, we have rarely had a president who is as well briefed and speaks in as articulate a way as this president does.” –CNN political analyst David Gergen
Uh, no: “Everybody, including Republicans, would have to say that his first 100 days have been great.” –CBS News executive producer Rick Kaplan
Reporting the important stuff: “The first couple took full advantage of the cool spring night. After a date night out on Saturday evening, President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama decided to take a stroll when their motorcade arrived back at the White House.” –Associated Press writer Christine Simmons
And then we have…
He Was Hoping to Remake the Whole Universe!: “Obama, on 100th Day, Says He Is ‘Remaking’ America” –Bloomberg ++ “President Obama ‘Humbled’ by Limits of Job” –USA Today
We All Have to Make Sacrifices: “First Lady Michelle Obama Steps Out in Lanvin Sneakers and They’re Only $540!” –Daily News (New York)
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control: “Woman Steals Ambulance, Tears Up Grass Doing ‘Donuts’ in Millennium Park” –Chicago Sun-Times
News of the Tautological: “Flushing Government Stimulus Cash Down the Toilet?” –Associated Press
News You Can Use: “Airline Seats to Mexico Easy to Come By” –Associated Press
Bottom Stories of the Day: “Two Men Ordered to Stay Away From Britney Spears” –Reuters
(Thanks to The Wall Street Journal’s James Taranto)
Batting clean up…
Another misdiagnosis: “The Republican Party is in deep trouble. Americans do want to pay taxes for services. Americans are looking for more government in their life, not less.” –former secretary of state Colin Powell
From the Clintonistas: “It’s their best issue that these tea baggers, they turned everybody off. There were a bunch of, like, 75-year-old cranky white guys mad at everything. It just couldn’t have been a better event for the Democratic Party. I hope they come back and tea bag some more. … I think that the Democrats are going to be smart enough to- when this recession is over and it will be over, to jump back on top of the spending issue like President Clinton did back in the ’90s. … Republicans shouldn’t be worried. They should be in agony. They should be throwing up. Republicans had better get a better policy on prescription drugs and quickly they’re going to need a lot more Prozac.” –CNN analyst James Carville
Europeanness envy: “I really hope that every citizen of the United States would imitate the rest of the world because they’re all for Obama. Every other country adores what happened, in our great country, to have him as president. … I love everything he’s done and everything he’s doing. I think we should give him all-out support for anything he wants to do. We should all help. He’s giving our country back to us.” –singer Tony Bennett
“Under Obama’s reasoning, the judge’s job isn’t to interpret the law: the judge should walk a mile in the appellant’s Birkenstocks.” –Human Events editor Jed Babbin
“It seems the Hog Producers have squealed a bit about their product getting a bad name so, according to the NY Times, it will no longer be called the Swine Flu. Henceforth it will be called Influenza A(H1N1). … I have a better idea for a new name. How about Montezuma’s Revenge?” –political analyst Rich Galen
“President Obama’s strongest talent is not his speechifying, which is frankly a bit of a snoozeroo. In Europe, he left ’em wanting less pretty much every time (headline from Britain’s Daily Telegraph: ‘Barack Obama Really Does Go On A Bit’). That uptilted chin combined with the left-right teleprompter neck swivel you can set your watch by makes him look like an emaciated Mussolini umpiring an endless rally of high lobs on Centre Court at Wimbledon. Each to his own, but I don’t think those who routinely hail him as the greatest orator since Socrates actually sit through many of his speeches.” –columnist Mark Steyn
“Segway’s inventor revealed plans to make a hybrid electric car powered by an engine which uses cow manure for fuel, and then use that engine to light Third World homes. Imagine generators that run on manure. Every time President Obama says he doesn’t want to run private industry a third of the planet could be electrocuted by the power surge.” –comedian Argus Hamilton
Jay Leno had to add hit two bits…
Sixty-nine-year-old Supreme Court Justice David Souter said he’s going to retire next month. Why’s he retiring? I mean, he’s a senior citizen. What’s he going to do? He’s going to sit around the house all day in his robe being judgmental, right? He might as well just stay on the job.
As a replacement for Judge Souter, they say President Obama is looking for a woman, and the rumor is Hillary Clinton is on the short list. Yeah. That’s got to be Bill’s worst nightmare, huh? A woman who can rule on the death penalty.
Well, as you know, Supreme Court judge is a job for life. There’s only one other job in Washington that’s a job for life. That’s on the Joe Biden Clarification and Apology Unit. And that’s 24/7. That’s very hectic.
In fact, just a day after saying he wouldn’t go anywhere in confined places like an aircraft or a subway because of the swine flu, Vice President Biden rode a train from Washington to Delaware. You know what that means? Not even Joe Biden listens to Joe Biden.
Humor; it’s been a tough week after all!
April 24, 2009Since this week has been so full of depressing things from the administration of the impostor in chiefs administration I decided to post some of the many jokes that I received. Most are from my better halfs father, a few from other friends, and a few from sources that would prefer not to be identified. Enjoy!
USMC F 18
In addition to communicating with the local Air Traffic
Control facility, all aircraft in the Persian Gulf AOR are required to give
the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute 'heads up' if they
will be transiting Iranian airspace.
This is a common procedure
for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder
code, type aircraft, and points of origin and
destination
I just flew with a guy who overheard this
conversation on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying
from Europe to Dubai . It's too good not to pass
along:
Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify
yourself.'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in
Iraqi airspace.'
Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our
airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18
fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'
Air Defense Radar: (no response ...
Total silence)
The
Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting
unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces
(USRSF)
These boys will be dropped off in
Afghanistan and have been given only the following facts about
terrorists :
1. The season opened today.
2.. There is no
limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer,
pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for
the death of Dale Earnhardt.
The
Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.
>Love him or hate him,
he sure hits the nail on the head with this! Bill > Gates recently gave a
speech at a High School about 11 things they did not > and will not learn in
school. He talks about how feel-good, politically > correct teachings created
a generation of kids with no concept of reality > and how this concept set
them up for failure in the real world.
>
> Rule 1: Life
is not fair - get used to it!
>
> Rule 2: The world
won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect > you to accomplish
something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
>
> Rule
3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You > won't be
a vice-president with a car phone until you earn
both.
>
> Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough,
wait till you get a boss
>
> Rule 5: Flipping burgers is
not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents > had a different word for burger
flipping: they called it opportunity.
>
> Rule 6: If you
mess up, it's not your parents ' fault, so don't whine > about your mistakes,
learn from them.
>
> Rule 7: Before you were born, your
parents weren't as boring as they are > now. They got that way from paying
your bills, cleaning your clothes and > listening to you talk about how cool
you thought you were. So, before you > save the rain forest from the
parasites of your parent's generation, try > delousing the closet in your own
room.
>
> Rule 8: Your school may have done away with
winners and losers, but life > HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished
failing grades and they'll > give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the
right answer. This doesn't > bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in
real life.
>
> Rule 9: Life is not divided into
semesters. You don't get summers off and > very few employers are interested
in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on > your own
time.
>
> Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real
life people actually have to > leave the coffee shop and go to
jobs.
>
> Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll
end up working for one.
>
> If you agree, pass it
on..
> If you can read this - Thank a teacher!
> If
you're reading this in English- Thank a
Veteran!
Can you say oops?
Conservative Libertarian Outpost 